24 October 2017

me (unnarcissistically hahaha)

Finally got the full use to my name for this blog's link (yipee)
new link alert:
dextertay.blogspot.com



有這麼一樣東西  直到今天  還是會有點害怕說出口
哈哈哈哈哈
就是⋯⋯⋯⋯
我畢業了 



開玩笑啦  當然不是這件事  哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
雖然我確實要畢業了  25/11 畢業典禮  yay?



好啦
我其實覺得自己沒有刻意隱瞞  應該沒有吧
只是恰巧  以前中學  大家看到就是這樣的我
哈哈哈哈哈哈  我也不懂我在說什麼 哈哈哈哈哈



簡單的說  這是一篇出櫃文 😂



要明白一點  我不是 gay  哈哈哈哈
(啊不然 以前幹嘛會追某某 某某的 哈哈哈哈)

慎重考慮中是否要 private 掉這個blog hahahhaha
還是算了吧


bi·sex·u·al
ˌbīˈsekSH(o͞o)əl/
adjective
  1. 1.
    sexually attracted to both men and women.
noun
  1. 1.
    a person who is sexually attracted to both men and women.



華語又稱  雙性戀



對呀,是我呀  啊不然 我給你這個definition爽嗎
哈哈哈哈哈




有多少人知道嗎? hmmmmm 
感覺上算是蠻多的
可是很多人誤會我是同性戀啦
我也沒有要解釋  反正我跟誰在一起  是我的事



很幸運的  暫時來說  沒有朋友因為這個與我絕交 
當然  時代不同了  這個 generation 的人 思想也比較開通了
更安心的是  媽媽知道了  也沒有怎樣
(我跟她說我雙 她叫我選一個就好 哈哈哈哈 等下亂掉
所以她現在當我是同  哪一天我帶女朋友回家  她一定傻眼)



FAQs:
問:真的嗎?!?!我看不出誒!!
答:真的啊,看不出嗎?我愛 ed sheeran 的瘋狂程度 看不出嗎?哈哈哈哈哈 而且很好笑,我又沒有拿著一個牌寫著 “我是雙性戀” 那看不出是正常啊!

問:所以  你喜歡女生⋯⋯也喜歡男生?
答:對,反正就飢不擇食的概念 哈哈哈哈

問:你又懂你對男生有興趣?
答:因為知道啊!就好像在問,你又懂空氣沒有味道,就是知道啊!

問:那你喜歡過哪一個男生?
答:;)




好啦  會特地選這個時間 post 這篇
是因為最近 是 National Coming Out Day (11/10~12/10)
然後在去年的 19/10,我把這個重大消息告訴了媽媽
所以  算是,慶祝一週年?哈哈哈哈哈


anyway, nothing is going to change
I will still be me
the stupid annoying dumb ass noob shit



Just thought, you might wanna know ;)
有什麼要問的⋯⋯都可以私聊 哈哈哈哈哈
掰   可能之後會有故事聽? x)

15 September 2017

近況

好久沒上來了 呵呵
真的有一段時間了
雖然我還是有看其他人的啦 ;)


四個月  長,不長;短,不短
我心理有那麼一點點的改變
也不是什麼大改變  就一些觀點有些不一樣了



我⋯⋯算是畢業了吧
就已經考完了所有的試
假如一切順利  那12月就能帶四方帽  正式畢業了
曾經的一切緊張  換來的一張白紙  值得嗎?
我也不懂

留念的人,依然留念
願有朝相忘茫茫人海



生日  來匆匆去匆匆
我是幾生修來的福  才遇到這班朋友
PLOY 的 surprise
我是真的沒有想到  提早一兩個星期的生日驚喜
感謝所有在場的人

沒有熱淚盈眶  心裡卻早已噴淚

再後來  趕assignment的那晚
也是正日啦  給媽媽騙
什麼阿姨會來  後來才知道是你們
真的真的  不知道該如何道出我心中的激動


後來我在想  我  真的值得你們那麼做嗎

可是   我真的很感謝每一位
記得,不記得,後來才想起  我生日的每一個人
謝謝你們 造就今天的我



SMPL:Y  正式開張啦
突然才想到  原來我沒有在這裡說過這個
SMPL:Y  是我有股份的服裝公司
剛開張3個月  本錢賺回了嗎?
我也不是很懂  哈哈哈哈
可是真的很開心有這樣東西  讓我認真學習到創業的難
身兼多職  希望能把這間店好好搞起來



後來就一直不斷的見見朋友
出來喝茶聚會聊天談天說地
心裡的打算  就是找到工之前
要見完所有我可以見到的人
因為我深怕  一旦投入工作
我不懂還會不會有時間  來經營友誼
所以⋯⋯想趁還可以  好好享受朋友圍繞在身邊的感覺




大概⋯⋯近況也就是這樣吧





喔對⋯⋯
我分下個寫吧 呵呵⋯⋯
可能⋯⋯也不會寫了 呵呵
看心情吧 哈哈

18 April 2017

Quick Update

Wow, look at the date on this post and my last
How busy was I to have totally forgotten about this place?


Was I really that busy?
I doubt so... but
how should I explain the time that I've lost?



Continuing from my last post,
I went to Bangkok for a 6 days trip with friends,
Started my semester in January
Ended it in March
In between was a CNY break when I went all around to friends' house cuz my mum went to Japan (most awesome 2 weeks of my life) HAHAHAHA jk.... (Am I?)
Sem break
Sem break ended
A new semester started
Went Melaka for a competition + short trip
and now, here.



It does seems like a lot had happen.



I've changed.
Not sure whether it's for the better or for the worse,
but I've definitely changed.



I stopped drinking as much as I did last year.
I only drink on special occasions etc
Basically, the friend who usually ask me out for drinks
stopped asking me out
Tbh, I'm sad that it stopped
Cuz he was the one I trusted the most in college
I told him everything, every dirty little secrets I keep only to myself
We share our thoughts on other people, on things, on anything


But, it all stopped
unexpectedly

with no signs or warning

it just did.



It's not a bad thing is it?
At least I have less alcohol in my system now

(But he did came to my house during CNY for session,
and went to club once after that, and that's it)



He's a really cool guy.
He taught me a lot of stuffs
showed me a lot of stuffs...



Wtf, this post is not about him bloody shit HAHAHHAHA


It's my last semester now
some people congratulate me knowing that
but I don't feel excited to graduate at all
I don't want to leave this life behind
with all my friends, with all the spare time to do shits I like

I remembered how hard it was for me to move on from high school to college
and now from college to the society?
I am SO NOT ready for it, ugh




Basically, I was getting quite emotional lately
it's the frequent ups and downs that scares myself
I could be laughing, smiling
and tears starts building in my eyes out of the sudden


I tend to overthink stuffs
I tend to overanalyze things
I tend to lack motivation and energy to do things
I tend to just want to do nothing

what is happening to me




I could say that I had an quite serious episode recently
it was bad, real bad
but I just couldn't control it
It's gonna sound stupid but it sorta kinda have something to do with relationships
Family, friends and love all mixed up together when I can't think straight

I think it lasted for two days

I stopped talking to the person who'd caused it
I ignored the person for two days
short answers if I really have no choice but to speak

then I lost it
I truly lost my shit
It is not really something that I'm proud of
I couldn't eat right
couldn't think straight
couldn't sleep well
Honestly, it felt like as if I was going to die
and at that moment
I kinda thought dying would be easier


BUTTT!!! no worries
I am NOT, NEVER, EVER going to kill myself off
wtf? I haven't do all the things I want to do in my life
I'm afraid of death anyways hahaha so why would I, right?
It's just a thought, don't take it seriously, seriously people, don't.




Changing for the better, I feel like I'm a more organized person
thanks to this thing I found called Bullet Journaling.
I'm still getting the hang of it, but I really like it.
You can just search on Youtube or Google for Bullet Journaling
all the videos will teach you how, and give you ideas

It definitely helped a lot in keeping my shits together
at least the things I seriously have to take care of
and the tasks I have to finish
at least my mornings are organised
so I don't feel as much regret for what happens at night.




It's a bit long....
maybe just a bit more



Recently, I started watching a show called "13 Reasons Why"
it's about this girl called Hannah Baker
who committed suicide and recorded 13 sides of tapes,
explaining who are the people responsible for her death
damn this show is super awesome, I can't even

However, it's also doing shits to my head.
If you watch it, you will know that the lead male,
Clay Jensen, is the one to listen to all the tapes.
Like him, I couldn't do it all at one go.
I have to stop, bits by bits while watching
it's just sooooo much to take in
a little information at a time

It is definitely a great show tho,
it makes you reflect on yourself,
your behaviour towards other people
I saw this somewhere saying you'd feel like you want to say sorry to every single person in your life
and I wouldn't say I disagree with that because I do feel this way

Highly recommended! Go watch!!
But, just be careful not to let it mess with your head



I'm ranting so much tonight hahahah
sorry.


I feel like one of my college friends changed since the first time I know him
he starts pushing me away
and maybe I was just thinking too much
the other friend I mentioned before?
like I said, he was the one i trusted the most in college
and I consider him as my best friend

but recently, things seems to have changed
the both of them seems to be together more often
they make plans, and other stuffs
I know I don't "own" any of the both of them
but I feel like I lost something


If you are reading this, which I believe you would know who you are if you are reading,
I bet you would think I'm full of drama, emo and shit
and might just... stay away from me more
but, yea...that's what I'm thinking right now

"I feel like I'm an extra"
you kept asking me who I was referring to
well, frankly, it's the both of you


I don't mean it as a bad way tho
I'm really glad that the both of you get to know each other better
I'm not saying that I want to stay away from the both of you
or want to break your friendship hahaha
It's just what I felt, and I need to rant so I could feel better
Treat me as jealous ok hahahha?
Make fun of me, I don't care, you know it.




Well....I guess that's all for now
it's soooooo freakin long hahahaha
sorry again for the rant
I just had no one to talk all these to
I know there are friends who will be willing to listen
but I just don't want to burden any of you with my pea-sized problem
so, yea...I guess that's it.
If you're still reading, thanks and sorry hahahha


And to any of you reading this who are going through tough times,
I hope you will get through it
find someone you trust to talk to
find me if you can't think of anyone
I really really do care about all of you
and I will literally do anything for all of you
I'm facing my own issues, I hope you can face yours
we can all face it together!
Let's work through the hardships and meet on the other side of success and happiness!!



Sorry again, and good night.
Sweet dreams ;)

22 December 2016

3 個月後

歐賣糕  沒更新3個月了
真的還發生蠻多事情的

學業:
該死的 assignment 終於都趕完了
一大堆的 presentation 也做完了
連 finals 也過了

真的鬆了一大口氣了


歡送會:
相信那時候應該轟動了 FB 一陣子
我們一堆畢業了的學長姐 沒有的參與宿舍的歡送會

反正事情到底為什麼會變這樣  也沒人知道
我也不想再多說了

過去就讓它過去吧


我真的不是很記得  這三個月還有發生什麼事
所以⋯⋯ 我記得什麼就寫什麼吧
也很久沒寫日記了⋯⋯ 唉


一樣  在教那些小朋友
運動啊  幫他們按摩之類的
也一樣  繼續在學校 打工 賺錢




最近  過著爆肝的日子
除了爆肝  就是燒錢

不知道幾時開始  常常和朋友出去喝酒
雖然也不是說很喜歡很喜歡什麼的
只是  就覺得晚上出來和朋友聊天
那種感覺 很不一樣

就覺得   總比待在家好⋯⋯

也不懂自己哪來的酒量  哈哈哈哈
反正就蠻可以喝
或者說 懂自己的底線 所以沒有越限

從喝酒後的想法是
小時候認為什麼不應該做的事  其實或許沒怎樣
以前覺得喝酒是不應該
可是現在就覺得  it's just socializing
I know there's other ways to socialize but that's how some of my friends do



anyways...還有發生什麼事


喔對了!我實現了我的承諾
我把我人生中最大最大最大的秘密  也告訴了媽咪
哈哈哈哈哈
真的想告訴她好久好久了  哈哈哈哈哈
謝謝知道的人幫我保守秘密 哈哈哈哈哈




要去曼谷了 yay
好期待 哈哈哈哈
期待了差不多大半年了!!!


聖誕節要到了  也好期待



還有⋯⋯
今天 我和我朋友的 snapchat streak 斷了
傷心死我 💔💔💔💔
96 天了咧!!!
都是他的錯 hmph 😡


好啦⋯⋯
暫時是這樣
期待我的泰國之旅吧 哈哈哈哈

09 October 2016

妈妈最贵的礼物




有做工了就是不一样
花钱  花的也开心一点  也潇洒一点


30.9
妈妈生日

早一个星期就在物色礼物了
本来在想  可能就买 以前买过的 Lovisa
因为比较便宜又不错看  哈哈哈哈
(谢谢 家宁 介绍的店)

结果那天走 Pavilion
经过一间店  就走了进去看
一看就看中了一条项链

价钱是贵了一点
可是想到  那么多年了  都没有买到什么给妈妈
又没有男朋友送  哈哈哈哈  所以就  潇洒  了一点
(还是考虑了几天啦 哈哈哈)
最终将它给买下了




非常聪明的我      没  有  拍  到  照  片        死  白  痴  !!!
所以唯有上网截图了 哈哈哈


有木有很美一下?
其实照片看不美  有机会我等妈妈戴着时拍 哈哈哈哈

店名: Rosato
项链:925 silver with Topaz (MD02)



嘿嘿  是有点小骄傲
我懂妈妈有哭  哈哈哈哈哈

好啦就这样啦 掰掰

24 September 2016

記一次回家

23.9  回了宿舍一趟

是因為  李沅儕  明天生辰呀
同房過  就得回去送送禮
上完課就買了蛋糕  回  家  去
順便買了辜弟弟的  哈哈哈  補慶 1/9

擇日不如撞日
沒選  就撞到了他們辦中秋  哈
上一篇才說想念宿舍的中秋  現在就撞上了


搞得大家都以為我是回來參加中秋的  哈哈


挺傷心的⋯⋯竟然沒有人通知
但是嘛  也不會怪誰  他們也沒這個義務
就像當年我們辦也不會想到學姐們  哈哈  抱歉


李沅儕 初三了咧  幹
辜弟弟 高二了咧  再幹
鄭景洋 高五了咧  他媽的幹


畢業了  回宿舍找學弟 
才發現原來真的很容易脫節 哈哈哈
畢業第一年可能還好  大家都還算認識
第二年了⋯⋯就很多新人了 哈哈哈  超奇怪


剛才自治會還要在我面前開小小的會議  超尷尬
看到很多新的實習生喔
其中還看到一個   讓我蠻欣慰的小學弟

那年畢業前  巡房去到他房  只有他留宿  找了他聊聊
他說想退學  因為成績不理想  覺得獨中難念
我也忘了當時我怎麼跟他說  只是記得他當時蠻感動的  哈哈
沒想到  現在他竟然還當上了自治會實習生
還要實習兩個職位  探了口風  他人品很不錯  大家都很欣賞  哈哈
有種想要邀功的感覺  哈哈哈  沒有我就沒有他  哈哈哈哈
無視我  無視我  無視我  無視我
反正就特欣慰的啦  哈哈哈


又和  梁煜雯  聊了一點點
發現宿舍也變了很多⋯⋯
現在的總舍監  竟然變了  張秀華
我也不理啦  哈哈哈
換了朝代  就有新的政策  小的不適干涉


Anyway, 因為沒事先和媽講
所以也就只呆到 6:30pm 就走了
所以什麼表演都沒看到  哈哈哈

反正回去的目的就是送蛋糕嘛
目的達成  就能回了啦 哈哈哈





是有點傷感   我曾經的家   慢慢也成為了別人的家
我的家  也不再是我所熟悉的家了
曾經的家人們  一一都搬離了家  朝自己夢想去了
不應傷感  卻又嘆息  昔日不再


找天再回去  哈

16 September 2016

月亮圓  月亮圓  月亮照在我的家
沒有春夏秋冬的家  流傳千年

現在的孩子不知道   月亮有小白兔🐰
功課與電腦  使他們不再聽古老的神話
高樓大廈  擋住了古老的月亮
就趁這個時候  讓你的孩子知道
古老的神話  源自何方




小時候非常喜歡的歌
每次到中秋就會想起這首歌
超可愛  超真實


那時  還相信月亮有嫦娥有兔子的我
應該不會想到  會發生了那麼多的事情
終於來到這個時候的我

和當初一樣  仍然對未來充滿憧憬  卻又有一絲的疑惑


月到中秋分外明  什麼什麼倍思親



有誰不想要一個完整的家庭呢⋯⋯
我也想  提燈籠  吃月餅  喝茶聊天賞月
和媽媽嗎?感覺怪怪的⋯⋯
兩個人  做得了什麼?
吃頓晚餐都沒什麼東西說  唉


感覺自己挺堅強的呀
那麼多年了  都是這樣  就這樣
中學  是幸運能和宿舍的人一起過
回想起來  真的很開心  很窩心
至少有人陪著過


真的不知道上一次提燈籠  點蠟燭  是什麼時候了
也不知道下一次會是幾時



倍思親呀
月圓人團圓哪  人都團到哪裡去了




媽  應該也不好過吧  也沒辦法給我我想要的
我也不強求  只是  多多少少就是有希望啊


爸  應該也更慘吧  是一個人過嗎?
或許不是  或許是  可能哥哥有陪你呢⋯⋯希望有吧







And the moral of this story is,
孩子們  也是有感受的
時間一旦錯過  再怎麼彌補  也是功虧一簣




祝天下人  中秋節快樂 🎑
要開開心心  健健康康


p/s: 16/9 了
老公啊  生日快樂 哈哈哈哈  愛死你❤️