What Can I Say?

Look mum, I love you and I respect you

but I hope you could do the same for me

especially respect.

I'm 19 now and won't be young any longer now

I can say I'm becoming a grown man

but you have to let me

and not keep me strangled between your palms

Believe in me and let me fly.

I know things are hard between us

I know things are hard in our family

but just fyi, everything that had happened isn't solely my fault

it consists of your wrongdoing, as well as dad's.

Don't push everything upon my shoulder

I can give up my dream

I already did.

Maybe it's just me

but I don't like being boss around

I'm sorry to say that I'm used to be given authority

I'm trying to change but don't force me or I'll break

break into pieces and never, ever heal.

When you talk to me

could you manage to just lower your tone

minus the authoritive voice

maybe use the magic word

that way, I might do what you wish without grumbling or hesitating or getting angry

I love you and you don't ever doubt that

everytime you ask me whether I'll take care of you in the future

what kind of stupid question is that?

Who do you think I am?

It's just too bad you don't know me that much

if you keep doubting.

My privacy is out of your reach and concern

I can put whoever's picture on my phone and you can't change that

People might misunderstand the relationship

but he's my godfather

I admire him

I adore him

I respect him

and I love him

He has always given me the "father" feeling I had never felt

Not that I don't when I'm young 

but I had totally forgotten every feeling around dad.

It was my dream to follow the footsteps of godfather

instead I gave it up

who do you think that is for?

You of course!

Who the hell on earth I would care more about than you?!

I told you before I don't express feeling through verbal communication

I told you that

and I also told you that if you really need you could always write me a letter

Words

that's the way I express myself the most

that's why I keep diary

that's why I blog

I don't keep a diary anymore because I think you read it

Your birthday is around the corner

just keep in mind that

I love you and I'll always will

I might get fussy sometimes

but who don't.

What can I say?