Wow, look at the date on this post and my last
How busy was I to have totally forgotten about this place?
Was I really that busy?
I doubt so... but
how should I explain the time that I've lost?
Continuing from my last post,
I went to Bangkok for a 6 days trip with friends,
Started my semester in January
Ended it in March
In between was a CNY break when I went all around to friends' house cuz my mum went to Japan (most awesome 2 weeks of my life) HAHAHAHA jk.... (Am I?)
Sem break
Sem break ended
A new semester started
Went Melaka for a competition + short trip
and now, here.
It does seems like a lot had happen.
I've changed.
Not sure whether it's for the better or for the worse,
but I've definitely changed.
I stopped drinking as much as I did last year.
I only drink on special occasions etc
Basically, the friend who usually ask me out for drinks
stopped asking me out
Tbh, I'm sad that it stopped
Cuz he was the one I trusted the most in college
I told him everything, every dirty little secrets I keep only to myself
We share our thoughts on other people, on things, on anything
But, it all stopped
unexpectedly
with no signs or warning
it just did.
It's not a bad thing is it?
At least I have less alcohol in my system now
(But he did came to my house during CNY for session,
and went to club once after that, and that's it)
He's a really cool guy.
He taught me a lot of stuffs
showed me a lot of stuffs...
Wtf, this post is not about him bloody shit HAHAHHAHA
It's my last semester now
some people congratulate me knowing that
but I don't feel excited to graduate at all
I don't want to leave this life behind
with all my friends, with all the spare time to do shits I like
I remembered how hard it was for me to move on from high school to college
and now from college to the society?
I am SO NOT ready for it, ugh
Basically, I was getting quite emotional lately
it's the frequent ups and downs that scares myself
I could be laughing, smiling
and tears starts building in my eyes out of the sudden
I tend to overthink stuffs
I tend to overanalyze things
I tend to lack motivation and energy to do things
I tend to just want to do nothing
what is happening to me
I could say that I had an quite serious episode recently
it was bad, real bad
but I just couldn't control it
It's gonna sound stupid but it sorta kinda have something to do with relationships
Family, friends and love all mixed up together when I can't think straight
I think it lasted for two days
I stopped talking to the person who'd caused it
I ignored the person for two days
short answers if I really have no choice but to speak
then I lost it
I truly lost my shit
It is not really something that I'm proud of
I couldn't eat right
couldn't think straight
couldn't sleep well
Honestly, it felt like as if I was going to die
and at that moment
I kinda thought dying would be easier
BUTTT!!! no worries
I am NOT, NEVER, EVER going to kill myself off
wtf? I haven't do all the things I want to do in my life
I'm afraid of death anyways hahaha so why would I, right?
It's just a thought, don't take it seriously, seriously people, don't.
Changing for the better, I feel like I'm a more organized person
thanks to this thing I found called Bullet Journaling.
I'm still getting the hang of it, but I really like it.
You can just search on Youtube or Google for Bullet Journaling
all the videos will teach you how, and give you ideas
It definitely helped a lot in keeping my shits together
at least the things I seriously have to take care of
and the tasks I have to finish
at least my mornings are organised
so I don't feel as much regret for what happens at night.
It's a bit long....
maybe just a bit more
Recently, I started watching a show called "13 Reasons Why"
it's about this girl called Hannah Baker
who committed suicide and recorded 13 sides of tapes,
explaining who are the people responsible for her death
damn this show is super awesome, I can't even
However, it's also doing shits to my head.
If you watch it, you will know that the lead male,
Clay Jensen, is the one to listen to all the tapes.
Like him, I couldn't do it all at one go.
I have to stop, bits by bits while watching
it's just sooooo much to take in
a little information at a time
It is definitely a great show tho,
it makes you reflect on yourself,
your behaviour towards other people
I saw this somewhere saying you'd feel like you want to say sorry to every single person in your life
and I wouldn't say I disagree with that because I do feel this way
Highly recommended! Go watch!!
But, just be careful not to let it mess with your head
I'm ranting so much tonight hahahah
sorry.
I feel like one of my college friends changed since the first time I know him
he starts pushing me away
and maybe I was just thinking too much
the other friend I mentioned before?
like I said, he was the one i trusted the most in college
and I consider him as my best friend
but recently, things seems to have changed
the both of them seems to be together more often
they make plans, and other stuffs
I know I don't "own" any of the both of them
but I feel like I lost something
If you are reading this, which I believe you would know who you are if you are reading,
I bet you would think I'm full of drama, emo and shit
and might just... stay away from me more
but, yea...that's what I'm thinking right now
"I feel like I'm an extra"
you kept asking me who I was referring to
well, frankly, it's the both of you
I don't mean it as a bad way tho
I'm really glad that the both of you get to know each other better
I'm not saying that I want to stay away from the both of you
or want to break your friendship hahaha
It's just what I felt, and I need to rant so I could feel better
Treat me as jealous ok hahahha?
Make fun of me, I don't care, you know it.
Well....I guess that's all for now
it's soooooo freakin long hahahaha
sorry again for the rant
I just had no one to talk all these to
I know there are friends who will be willing to listen
but I just don't want to burden any of you with my pea-sized problem
so, yea...I guess that's it.
If you're still reading, thanks and sorry hahahha
And to any of you reading this who are going through tough times,
I hope you will get through it
find someone you trust to talk to
find me if you can't think of anyone
I really really do care about all of you
and I will literally do anything for all of you
I'm facing my own issues, I hope you can face yours
we can all face it together!
Let's work through the hardships and meet on the other side of success and happiness!!
Sorry again, and good night.
Sweet dreams ;)
