What Can I Say?

Look mum, I love you and I respect you

but I hope you could do the same for me

especially respect.

I'm 19 now and won't be young any longer now

I can say I'm becoming a grown man

but you have to let me

and not keep me strangled between your palms

Believe in me and let me fly.

I know things are hard between us

I know things are hard in our family

but just fyi, everything that had happened isn't solely my fault

it consists of your wrongdoing, as well as dad's.

Don't push everything upon my shoulder

I can give up my dream

I already did.

Maybe it's just me

but I don't like being boss around

I'm sorry to say that I'm used to be given authority

I'm trying to change but don't force me or I'll break

break into pieces and never, ever heal.

When you talk to me

could you manage to just lower your tone

minus the authoritive voice

maybe use the magic word

that way, I might do what you wish without grumbling or hesitating or getting angry

I love you and you don't ever doubt that

everytime you ask me whether I'll take care of you in the future

what kind of stupid question is that?

Who do you think I am?

It's just too bad you don't know me that much

if you keep doubting.

My privacy is out of your reach and concern

I can put whoever's picture on my phone and you can't change that

People might misunderstand the relationship

but he's my godfather

I admire him

I adore him

I respect him

and I love him

He has always given me the "father" feeling I had never felt

Not that I don't when I'm young 

but I had totally forgotten every feeling around dad.

It was my dream to follow the footsteps of godfather

instead I gave it up

who do you think that is for?

You of course!

Who the hell on earth I would care more about than you?!

I told you before I don't express feeling through verbal communication

I told you that

and I also told you that if you really need you could always write me a letter

Words

that's the way I express myself the most

that's why I keep diary

that's why I blog

I don't keep a diary anymore because I think you read it

Your birthday is around the corner

just keep in mind that

I love you and I'll always will

I might get fussy sometimes

but who don't.

What can I say?

離別●前後

前
28.8.15—倒數一星期

Someone Miss Us
我、寧、Jesse、雲

早上約好了在Pavilion見
之後就去 Tous Les Jours 吃豐富的早餐

距離上次
應該是有一年沒去了
和上次的經驗相比
這一次真的進步了很多！
好棒 好棒

天南地北 無話不談
開開心心地把早餐幹了

開心的早餐  一乾二淨  笑話連篇

p/s: 話說  早上有人遲到  哈哈哈哈哈 寧

吃完了早餐 看見時間剩很多

所以決定去 探 班

菜油在咖啡店做工

Smirk Cafe, Bangsar

環境  蛋糕  咖啡  都很不錯

強力推薦！

家寧駕車  有一定的危險
開玩笑的 哈哈哈哈哈

菜油在泡咖啡中

傑呢

話說  菜油拉的花很美

就這樣  聚會就結束了。

晚上  和媽媽去吃平安宴

遇到乾爹

我好像提過他名字好多次

卻沒讓你們看過照片

亮相啦！

羅勇華—中醫師、乾爹

帥吧 哈哈哈哈哈

Fast forward >>>

4.9.15

這一天還是來了

一大早起床  去KL Sentral搭巴士

一個小時車程 抵達 KLIA 2

幹

原來嫻在 KLIA1 =.=

搭快鐵 三分鐘 抵達KLIA

買蛋糕 提早慶祝嫻的生日

時間差不多 她也要飛了

再見

她說：掰掰 不要想念我喔 麼麼噠 （爆笑）

再到KLIA2

歡送下一班人

Sim Sim

Jesse Ng Ng

Ve 雲

erm...遇到了 就拍張照 順便跟他說了聲 加油
國軒

當然還有一些沒拍到照的人

麗雯 San姐 等等等

時間不多  話也說不出了

默默的 幫忙拿東西 時不時說一兩句話

時間好像不會停下

始終是要離開的

再見了  我們會再見的

我會在這兒  永遠永遠支持著你們

好好加油吧

送完機  又搭一個小時的巴士 回到KL Sentral

微微細雨開始下起

外面的天氣  好像在模仿著我的心情

先是微雨一兩滴

之後卻是 滂沱大雨 嘩啦嘩啦下個不停

一方面我是擔心飛機啦

下雨搭飛機  好像不是很好

聽到大家安全抵達後  終於都肯去睡了

後

心情上 有很大很大的改變

不喜歡這種感覺

在台灣 多拍點照給我看 好嗎？

12.9.15

一星期了

習慣了嗎？

安頓了嗎？

要開學了吧  好好加油

為自己的未來 努力 拚

等待

是我唯一能做的

一些額外的照片

送機時遇到的學姊

又是學姐 哈哈哈哈

絢

絢＋雲

寧＋雲

寧＋我

我和雲

要開開心心噠 ;)

再聚

沒想到原來那麼多人飛台灣⋯⋯
還有一個非愛爾蘭 (——;)


肥肥裡面差不多都飛完了


19.8.15
大家又再一次的聚在一起
就當作是大家離開前的最後一次聚餐

早上  從KL Sentral 接 Jover & Jesse
死Jo, 差點遲到 =.=
在Wendy's把午餐解決後
雲  也到了

下午在家看 Zohan
廢戲一部  值得一提  保證笑死你
看不久  除了我  大家都去游泳
我在上面看著他們遊  因為怕會有人到

結果他們遊完了  詹  終於到了
之後的人就陸續到了啦



叫了 兩大桶的 KFC
和  5大片Pizza
OMG


吃吧  玩吧  說話吧
時間就這樣不停的走



吃完後  就在桌子上玩起了Killer

玩了一兩場 就開始拍大合照
拍完大合照 大家就拍個人合照

接著大家就開始陸續回家了






時間過得好快⋯⋯
中學六年
宿舍五年
肥肥四年
高中三年

畢業    也就快一年了


出了國  之後又不知道何時再聚
又會不會全部人都到齊




但願人長久
不願人長久
只願大家  健健康康 開開心心





大家呀
隻身國外   記得要好好照顧自己
要定期上網update一下
讓我知道你們都好好的

尤其你阿雲！
什麼都不玩 -.-
真的要好好照顧自己喔



別擔心
我們會再聚的 :)

不孝

總覺得
跟媽的關係 越來越疏遠


她想要的  我給不到
相反
我想要的  她給不到

我不能一直在笑好嗎
我也不能一直在說話好嗎



家
本來就是一個讓我休息的地方

戴著面具 面對了那麼多人
一天下來 回到家就是想卸下面具



為什麼你不能明白
笑  有時只是為了融入大家
而在你眼中  我總在朋友周圍笑

你見不到的 是我在朋友面前崩潰的時候
因為沒有人會在你崩潰時 拍你照片 放上網


你每次都會有事沒事問我
長大後會不會照顧我
在妳眼中我是那麼的不孝嗎？
不孝到你需要考慮這樣的問題

問了一次也就算了
妳卻時不時就問
我很壓力欸！


"Staying quiet doesn't mean you've got nothing to say.
It means you don't think they;re ready to hear your thoughts."


我就是覺得我們溝通不了
那我何必多說話呢？


還有  我最討厭的是
我之前和你說過的話 你之後會拿出來反駁我
那你說  我為何還要和你說那麼多？



不是所有的事情  都一定要跟著你的那一套
我做你兒子  不想跟也得跟
每個人處理事情的方法都不一樣
請別執著在你自己的方法 好嗎？

肥肥這個家

1.8.15
我、雲、Jover、咏羨、詹、邦、文星
出來吃東西咯



首先
歡迎文星哥哥加入這個大家庭
他是肥邦的男朋友
yay!! hahahhahaha



詹從台灣回來
咏羨要回中國
所以就有了這一次的外出


在Mid Valley的BBQ Town
吃Buffet x)



結論：吃的好飽喔！



吃完了又坐在那邊玩Killer
太搞笑了啦！








曾幾何時
這個家是多麼的團結

曾幾何時
這個家的任何活動都會齊人

曾幾何時
這個家的所有人都還沒畢業

曾幾何時
這個家日日夜夜朝夕相對



後來
我們畢業了
我們工作了
我們進大學了
我們不再天天見到對方了


再後來
我們一年就只見那麼一次了




接著下來
又有一批人要飛臺灣了
能約出來喝茶，見面的人也少了



但這就是人生。







依然祝大家
要開開心心的
要健健康康的




:)

愛情觀

不知道什麼時候開始

反正就是不久前

關於  愛情  

我的看法變了。

找到自己愛的人

再找到愛自己的人

本來就是一件不容易的事

以前的我會認為

以後長大了

當然是要找一個人

結婚   生子

這樣的人生才叫美滿

後來  很多事情都變了

不是每一件事都能如願以償

接著的  愛情觀也變了

現在的我認為

其實  愛或不愛  是可以選擇的

對不起

應該是說  要不要在一起  是可以選擇的

我可以愛你  但選擇不和你在一起

我可以不愛你  但選擇和你在一起

最近有一個想法總在我腦海裡漂流

我打算以後

不結婚   不生子

我覺得自己沒資格去支配愛情

更沒資格去享受愛情的福利

一個伴

下一代

這些福利我都不想要了  也不需要了

現在我一個人也好好的

想幹嘛就幹嘛  去哪就去哪

當然

我沒否定說以後可能會談戀愛、結婚、生子

但暫時來說  能免則免

Never say never.

我無法預測我的未來到底是怎樣

但是我明確瞭解現在的我

就想自私一些  只愛我自己就好

自己都沒法好好愛自己

談什麼權利去愛別人

暫時就到這兒

我會儘快再更新的

:]

The One

Tell me,
Tell me that you want me,
And I’ll be yours completely
For better or for worse.

You make my heart feel like it’s summer
When the rain is pouring down.
You make my whole world feel so right when it’s wrong.
That’s how I know you are the one.
That’s why I know you are the one

I like these two verses of the lyrics of "The One" by Kodaline.
Highly Recommended!!


Everyone has their own special someone.
At least, that is what I believe.



Ain't it funny how someone can actually affect your life so much?
Sometimes, I laugh at myself for that.


And then in another 10 years time,
that certain someone might not actually matter to you anymore, right?
Life can be so funny sometimes.



Anyway, I don't care if you matter to me in another 10 years,
but I know you do now.
Please do not ask me why, I DO NOT KNOW WHY EITHER.
Maybe someday when I meet the creator,
I'll ask him personally. :)



Look, you have been haunting me for quite a while now.
I know I should have let you go like for a long long time ago,
which I didn't, because I was incapable of leaving you.


I'm actually pretty sure that you knew it all along.
I don't know why I have this feeling,
but something tells me you do.

P/S: Do not think too much, I might not be talking to you hahahah
wear it if the shoes fits.


I tried moving on.
Yes I did indeed.
But nothing ever happened, the spark doesn't appear with others like the way it did with you.
Maybe I just needed more time.


It's hard not to talk to anyone about you.
I can't, though I did mentioned to a few people.
Maybe more than a few, but still not many.


#np If This Was a Movie

Come back, come back, come back to me
like you would, you would if this was a movie.

------- Taylor Swift

I love my phone so much 

right song in the right mood

always

I do not know whether you actually feels the same way about me.

We used to have so much together.

Maybe I was taking them too seriously.

All I'm trying to say,

is that I missed the things we did,

I missed the talks,

I missed everything with you,

I missed you.

I doubted that there will ever be any future in us.

Yet, I'm still hanging on to that little hope and faith I have in us.

Not us, in me perhaps.

#np Chains

You got me in chains, you got me in chains for your love

I wouldn't change, I wouldn't change this love.

Tryna break the chain, but the chains only break me.

------ Nick Jonas

It's so hard for me to get into any sorts of relationships with others.

I declined all the possibilities

thinking there might still be a chance in us.

Alrighty then,

I shall stop writing now.

I shall stop now.

I shall stop everything now.

I shall stop waiting for you now.

I shall stop making stupid decisions for you now.

I shall stop 

I shall stop

I shall stop

I shall stop loving you now.

Before I end this post,

I'm quite addicted to this song, especially its lyrics.

"Dancing on My Own" by Calum Scott, originally by Robyn.

I was going to write down the lyrics here,

but maybe not.

This shall mark the end of us.

Our everything.

I appreciate everything that we ever had.